Week 36: Roller Coaster of Emotions

He was hiccuping in this picture. 🙂

This week has been a struggle in many ways. Although I am doing real well and so is Liam, I have had many times where I have felt very overwhelmed.

I have been a little blue lately. It is nothing bad enough for medication trust me, but I guess my hormones are on overdrive and reality is setting in so many things are overwhelming me.

What is overwhelming me?

  • I would like a few more things for Liam, so I mentally don’t feel prepared although we have most essentionals.
  • Labor and delivery feels so new and scary still. Our birthing class has helped me feel more prepared and what to expect, however since Liam is still breech I am so worried what my options will be. 
  • I am worried I will let myself down if I do not end up handling things correctly and getting medication during labor. Ben and I want to have me go natural because, one the needle is scary, two we just want to not have those chemicals in my system and have a better delivery and recovery.
  • Recovery makes me cringe.
  • Breastfeeding is something I have always said that is a must for me. It still is. I am just worried I will feel lost and not know what to do. I have read into things, and have people to talk to, but it comes down to the fact that everyone is different and you have to figure out how to make it work for your baby and you.
  • Caring for an infant in the first few weeks feels so foreign  but excited to have him here.
  • Lastly, although this is a lot, I know I am not the only one who has had these thoughts before having their first baby. I am okay and I feel good most days. Just lately I have felt overwhelmed.

I know all will be okay. 🙂

Symptoms this week:

  • Backache
  • Fatigue
  • Moody
  • Hot flashes
  • Braxton Hick Contractions
  • Restless Legs 
  • Insomnia
  • Shortness of Breath
  • Appetite Increase
  • Flatulence
Moods:
  • Worried
  • Anxious
  • Grumpy
  • Excited
Positive things this week:
  • My mother in law Jodi has been giving us updates on the quilt she is making for Liam. It is going to be so cute and pretty! Jodi and Rob have also sent us our crib mattress, sheets, and mattress cover. Soon we will have a cute rail bumper to match! I will be showing pictures of Liam corner once it is finished! 😀
  • I have gotten some walking in. I feel so sore and exhausted afterwards but I know it is a good thing. I use to work 8 hrs a day full time before we moved here!
  • My mother’s birthday was on the 16th! She had a nice time with my dad at my Aunt Memo’s.
Little facts about Liam this week:
  • He is moving a lot!
  • He is still breech.
  • His movements still don’t hurt all that much. Sometimes if he is moving a lot, I will have some sharp pains on the sides, but nothing bad.
  • According to my app, he is about 19 inches and 6 lbs. We will see. 😉
  • He is producing meconium.
  • His digestive system is the only major system in his body not fully developed yet.
  • His reflexes are coming in.
  • Facial muscles are building and practicing sucking.
  • He is about the size of Cabbage Patch Doll–awwww. 😉
Little facts about me this week:
  • My belly is measuring at 37 inches from back to belly button.
  • I weigh 155 the last time I was checked.
  • No stretch marks just yet.

So as you can see, there are ups and downs to pregnancy. My downs are mainly emotional thank goodness. I know so many who have it so hard physically. My journey has been so blessed and so smooth. I pray labor and delivery goes well and that he is not breech at our next appointment. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you.
-Kristina

Patience is a virtue.

Today was a hard day. While driving to work, I did my usual pep talk to myself, ….”today will be a good day”….”I will respond to customers appropriately”…..”I will be in a good mood”. This is the life of someone who doesn’t necessarily like her job and wants to get threw the day without having a meltdown. I did these talks even before I became pregnant.

Long story short, it started out okay, but my mood was involuntarily down. I tried so hard to keep it together. I even took a short breather in the bathroom, and came back. It helped.

However, I started to feel very irritated, annoyed, and frustrated with people. No matter how well I played the part, some people got under my skin.

I got a customer complaint today. I have been getting them more since I became pregnant. I completely understand why, it could have be avoided however this person was completely uncooperative. I started out doing my job, calm, and even added eye contact! Wow, eye contact.

This was how our conversation went…

Customer: “I have four of them” hands me one.

Me: “I need to scan them all please”

Customer in a irritated manner: “You need to scan them all even though they’re all the same?”

Me in a calm manner: ” “I said that didn’t I?”

Customer totally freaked out on me.

I get it. I know I should have just said, yes. But she was like the MILLIONTH person to say this similar thing to me, expect more bitchy. So I mean I could have been worse. That was my day. I did not get in trouble really because my co workers know me and I am usually good at keeping it together.

This patience thing is harder and harder. Although, other days are a breeze for me with my emotions. Pregnancy gives you diarrhea of the mouth sometimes, and working retail can be very difficult.

I went to lunch a couple hours later, feeling like crap and also backache shooting down my back. I stayed home for second part of my day crying off and on about work, about life, and just about nothing. I cry feeling bad I stayed home. I cry because I am crying.

Good thing tomorrow is another day and another beginning.

 

Week 18 Struggles

Every week in pregnancy is different. Every day in pregnancy is different. HECK, every hour is different in pregnancy! However, most of the time the whole week is either really good or no so good.

Week 18 has been a roller coaster of emotions. I seemed to be stressed and depressed. I do not recall the thoughts I was having. I just was blah and very irritated. I felt down and it seemed like I was not myself. Towards the end of week 18 I have been feeling better. Tomorrow starts week19 and so far I have felt great.

I feel so helpless with my emotions and I honestly can say that it can be so bad that I do not care what others think. This is usually at work. I work in a retail setting so it can be hard to keep a professional and positive manner while talking and tending to people all day. Working full time has been a struggle and I can only imagine what it will be like when I am further along during the hot summer months. Good grief what was I thinking?!

Sometimes I do feel bad for the way I am and try to control what I do when I get negative because of the pregnancy hormones. I cannot seem to figure out how to be more happy or not so grumpy, however I do try to at least not take it out on anyone. So far I have manage to be great to my husband! I have my moments, but most of my craziness happens at work. Why? Well I do not always have the patience for grumpy, unintelligent, or plain ridiculous customers.

Any positives this week?

I can say that it has been amazing to feel the baby ALL THE TIME now, which is so fun. They are stronger kicks or punches. I have not noticed if we can see them yet. He or she moves the most when I eat, have something sweet, or just chilling in bed not moving. My husband has not been able to feel the baby, but usually when I get up to tell him, he or she stops.

Here’s to week 19 being a great one!

-Kristina

I feel "fat".

Today I was looking at myself in the mirror and thought, wow I sure have popped a little. I feel bigger than the other day. It is crazy to me how quickly things change when you are pregnant.

Today’s pregnancy symptoms:

Slight headache-like in the temple area and it doesn’t even really hurt, but been lingering all day.

I have been gassy the past few days. I blame Taco Bell and need to stop eating there.

Dry mouth even though I have been drinking water all day. Also really dry lips.

My stomach feels a little tighter and I feel bigger.

My right boob hurts more than usual which I think is kinda funny.

I burp all the time!

That’s pretty much it today. I actually didn’t lay around the house all day on my day off like I usually do, so I can tell my 1st trimester fatigue is fading, for now. I do have better days and some days I am tired.

I made some beef stuff from scratch in the crock pot, which I am proud of because I am sick of eating canned food or quick meals that I know aren’t too healthy. I figure I can make these big meals on my days off and eat it throughout the week. It tastes so much better than canned beef stew.

Thanks for stopping by and have a good night!
-Kristina 13weeks6days