Why Do Women Apologize for Their Appearience?

There is something I have noticed for a long time. I have seen this since I was a child. I have also done this myself! Why do women feel the need to apologize for the way they look? For an example, since being a mom I am apart of many Facebook groups. I see all types of people. But one thing in common among them all is that if they post a photo or video of themselves with their family and they happen to not be wearing makeup or have their hair done to their liking, they apologize to the viewer.

If you do not apologize what happens?

What happens is that you feel great in your skin and know that just because you look tired or your hair is not perfectly straight like you prefer, does not mean you do not look beautiful. If you are with your family or baby in that photo, you know what I see? I see love. Putting yourself together is fun and feels great, however those moments where you have been playing with your child or a picture was taken of you unexpectedly, do not apologize. Apologizing sends a message that something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong hun, we don’t care that your hair is up today.

What I really think is that you are apologizing to yourself. 

Stop apologizing. You are not perfect and never will be.

Lets send the message to our children that we do not need to apologize for our looks. How about if we do not like how we look in that picture we look at the message in that picture instead. Do you see a happy mamma? Do you see a happy baby? What do you see? Don’t focus on those under eye circles. Don’t focus on your bun.

Most of the time we look great but our inner voice is our worse critic.

Stop apologizing!



The Stages of a Mother’s Self-Image

As I look at a photo I took of my son and I as he is sleeping on me, I see a women who looks tired, worn out, and patchy skin. I immediately felt insecure. But then I look at my son laying there all warm and cozy and my perspective changed. I see a mother’s love.

I feel there is a fine line between letting yourself go and letting yourself slow down. A lot of the time when you become a mother, some habits or self care go out of the window. It does not have to be that way or have to stay that way.

As a new mother, I tend to put my needs last and I have learned how to find the balance.  I tend to feel like I have to do something with myself in order to feel normal again. Sometimes I feel bad when I do not put myself together or not even care. Other times I do love to get myself “presentable” in the morning. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed with my 8 month old and breathe in the moment because these moments are slipping away. The quiet and calm moments I have with Liam in bed when he is asleep in my arms are what make me feel that my self image is more than just makeup or my hair being nice. It is the love I have for my child and it shows in the pictures I take. The pictures that have  do not have a filter or lighting change. The ones that show those very large blue under eye circles that could be covered with makeup or a photo filter. Those under eye circles remind me of the role I now have. And you know what, I have slowly accepted them.

Does that mean I do not respect myself enough to look more rested or put together? Or not care enough for my husband who would like to see me in jeans and hair that is not a ball of knots? No, it just means that I do not stress about it and live in the moment with my baby if I am not able to get my self care done.

Many of us feel we need to rush and move forward into making our life feel normal again. But when you take home that new baby for the first time, your life is not ever going to be normal again. It is a whole new normal that creates so much joy, love, anxiety, fears, happiness, and chaos. I feel like if you cannot find the energy or motivation to get yourself ready for the day in the very beginning that should be okay, because you are learning to take care of another small person. You do not have the experience to find balance right away. Slow down and find that natural flow with your baby and soon the balance of self care and baby care will happen! Everyone has their own pace.

Do not compare yourself to anyone else. Comparing yourself or looking up to someone are two different things. If you compare, you tend to self hate. If you look up to someone, you feel inspired. Find that inspiration. Once you master that balance, you will feel at peace. But I encourage you to find the peace in any stage you are in.

A mother’s self imagine is not define by the foundation you wear, but by the love you share. You can wear all the foundation you want and not feel happy with yourself. Share all that love you can with that new bundle of joy.

Slow down.

Why You Are Not Seeing Your Fitness Results

Fitness can be a very intimidating word. You start to think about that fact you will need to let go of many things like your coffee creamer or the daily intake of that soda you love dearly. The fact that you will be sore or CARDIO!

However, you want that lean, sexy body you always wanted. You want to feel stronger and LOOK it. The strength you gain is worth all of the sweat and tears you go through. You want that energy and stigma you hear about because you now have a small child to run after. Speaking of that small child, you want to set an example. These are the goals.

Two months have gone by and you start to feel discouraged. The number on the scale is not where you want it to be. You don’t seem to LOOK the part. You don’t “this” or you don’t “that”.

How about DON’T think those things!

Reality is, it takes time. Like studying for a test. It takes time to gain the knowledge. Hours of studying and many failures. You will fail. But you will gain so much more!


Why are you not seeing the results you want?

Because you are not giving it enough time! You see those ads for the “6 weeks to abs” or ” 3 weeks to fit” type of titles. Sure, you will see SOME results or may not. The fact of the matter is, is that it takes longer than a couple of months.
  1. Go into it as a long run, not a short term “I want to look good for a wedding” mindset.
    • Once you fall into the trap of trying to look good in a time frame, it will most likely lead to failure and not trying anymore.
    • You will feel like it is not working.
    • Short term goals lead to disappointments.
    • How about instead of saying you want to try for a couple of months, how about you DO it for a year. Then you will see results.
  2. Tell yourself you want this and make it happen.
    • They say you do not want it enough if you make excuses. Excuses will always lead to missing a work out then to not working out at all.
    • You must tell yourself, it takes time, you will see results, and you will KEEP GOING.
  3. You must know that it does not getting easier, you get better.
    • That means that eventually you will do a move during your workout without pausing or modifying. But then you push yourself again to make it harder. That is how you get results.
    • It is not about perfection, but about progress.
    • Keep at it!
  4. You must try to eat better than you did before.
    • This doesn’t mean eat perfect.
    • This means to try to incorporate healthy foods and stick to it.
    • Add more water!
    • Find healthy recipes you like!
  5. Find someone or a group of people to help you stay focused! 
    • When you have someone keep you accountable, you want to continue.
    • Perhaps tell yourself, as your child watches you, that you are setting an example!
    • Join a facebook group or find a beachbody coach, such as I, to help you get to your goal.
    • If you would like me to be your coach, comment below or email me at kristinadstone@gmail.com Refer to this post about what a beachbody coach does: http://lveatfrstkick.blogspot.com/p/what-is-beach-bodybody-coach.html

Remember, it is a journey. And all journeys have their ups and downs. Just do not get stuck in a rut forever. You will thank yourself a year from now. It is all worth it. You got this!

Most of all, do not compare yourself to others.



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