Motherhood and Guilt

I have been working on a few things within myself to better my relationships, marriage, and become more of a patient, gentle mother/wife.

I am…

  • very impatient
  • worry too much
  • rush things
  • complain
  • and irritable; especially when hungry or stressed.

I try to work these things everyday, however fall short quite often.

After I mess up, I feel like a horrible mom or wife. For example when I yelled at our 1 year old who is just tired and doesn’t mean to stress me out. I still feel so guilty for yelling and I am trying hard to make sure the situation is better next time. This time I forgot it was nap time and tried driving to a park. It was my fault.

Motherhood. Parenthood. It is hard! I am faced with my worse side more often than I wish to and the fact is that I am molding this little human which is quite terrifying and wonderful at the same time. Some days I have things all figured out. Some days I have things out of control. Change is hard, but the best things in life are worth working hard for. We have only been parents for a little over a year, however it is still extremely hard to think of someone else more often than myself. A small person needs so much attention, time, and love.

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When feeling an overwhelming amount guilt, it can be depressing. I remind myself to do better next time and plan accordingly. Dwelling only makes things worse and I will never be perfect. I can only brush myself off and move on.

There’s always a new day to try again!

Share your experiences and what you learned from it! What have you worked hard on within yourself?

 

A Mother’s Pumpkin Patch Reflections

This year during our family time at the Thomasson Family Farm I was thrown into a whirl wind of emotions and memories of the past year. We came to this very same farm last year when Liam was almost 2 months old. I remember seeing all of the activities he would be able to do once he got older. This year I experienced joy as our little boy enjoyed himself on the farm. As cliche as it sounds, this past year has gone by way too fast!

Pumpkin Patch Fun a Year Later

Pumpkin Patch 2015 and 2016

Before/Now

Reflecting over the year I think of all of the challenging and amazing moments as a mother.

  • I remember the long, tiresome nights with tears and hair pulling.
  • I remember the snuggles in bed.
  • I remember the first time Liam crawled.
  • I remember the first time he said momma.
  • I remember the insecurities and the guilt for dreading the nights or the feedings.
  • I remember all of the family moments going on adventures and creating memories.

This time last year I carried Liam around in his carrier. I breastfeed in the Corn Maze. He did so well! This year he is a big boy and walking around exploring with family, riding in his new stroller, and loving his little tiny pumpkin that daddy found for him. Life goes on and you better keep up!

Going to the same place around the same time a year later brought all of these emotions and memories. I am excited to see more pictures like this in the future. He grows and learns so fast! Please slow down.

-Kristina

Toddler Milestone Surprise with a Toy Car

Last week Liam showed me that he has been learning new skills I did not know he could do! Below is a video showing you the joys of motherhood. I am also doing a quick review of the toy with a 12 month old boy. Eventually I will update this as the months go by while he continues to learn how to use this toy.

Huiletoys 516 Fruit Car gifted by Second Cousin Lacey and Family 

Features about this toy:

  • This is a nice quality learning toy. I love that it not only teaches shapes and color, but also food, numbers, and letters.
  • Inside three of the six shapes is a fruit that matches the color and a shape on the top that starts with that food.
  • The other three have the numbers 1-3 on the top with a fruit inside as well. Example: letter B goes with the yellow banana.
  • The hatchback trunk opens up and teaches children how to open and close.
  • The toy plays music and moves around when you turn it on using the switch on the bottom of the car. You also have an option to turn off the music while it moves.

Negatives:

  • The one thing I did notice that was off is in the second picture below: the 3 on the heart is backwards, so you would need to put the heart upside down to show that it is a 3.
  • When looking around to see where my cousin got this toy, I see it is not easy to get as in it is not in local stores. It is not an American toy so you must order online. I found a site that sells it here.


Thoughts about the toy: This is one of the toys that Liam plays with the most. He loves to put the shapes in his mouth or shake the shapes to hear the fruit hit the plastic to create noise. He also likes to push the car around. I love to also interact with him to teach him to put the shapes in the right hole and eventually teach him about the other features like the colors or numbers.
I will update later once we get batteries of the movement and music feature mentioned above. Here is a youtube video demonstrating it. I will film my own video to share of Liam playing with it as it drives around soon.

Video Demonstrating the shape learning with Liam(12 months old) for the first time:

What has your child learned recently? What toys do you play with your one year old?

Late Night Cuddles it is.

 

Your 20 lb body rests safely against mine, cradled in my arms as you nurse. It is the second time tonight you cried for my security, my warmth, my loving arms. Some nights my ears hear you, but my eyes are tightly shut. I must muster up every ounce of energy I may have to get out of bed. I get out of bed to soothe your little self.  Mommy is here, don’t worry little one.

Late night cuddles it is.

As I try to keep my eyes open and focus on you, I silently breathe in all of the overwhelming love I have for you. Sometimes the love is so much, my anxious self thinks of the scariest things. Will you wake up tonight? You hold my finger or my shirt, nursing softly, falling back asleep into your short dreamland. I smell your hair and feel the softness of it. I think to myself how lovely your soft hair is and how I would love to have your shiny, soft hair. I gently rub your head and slowly close my eyes. I embrace the exhaustion and patiently wait until you’re fast asleep again. Some nights are not as simple. Some nights I cry in exhaustion, feeling like a horrible mother for thinking I just want let you cry. Sometimes I just want to scream at you to go back to sleep. But mommy has an important job to do.

Late night cuddles it is.

Once you are done nursing and fallen back asleep, I slowly get up and put you back into your crib, praying you will sleep longer than two hours. Hoping you will give mommy some sleep to help get her through the next day. Please sweet baby boy, let mommy sleep. I lay my head down, starring at the ceiling wondering if I should even bother trying to fall back asleep because you may cry in a few minutes. After what seems like forever, I start to drift slowly back into my beauty sleep, until I hear a little cry.

Late night cuddles it is.

See this featured on the PreggieApp blog! Click here!

What is Preggie?

It is an app for moms and mom’s to be. Or even those who are trying to get pregnant. I found this app last year when I was 20 or so weeks pregnant. I have enjoyed talking with others and learning a few things. Preggie even has contests or giveaways on their app. Their blog has stories from the app and from the creator. Check out Preggie. You will never alone be alone in your journey!