As I type, it is 9:56pm. I went into bed at 8:00pm. I am so exhausted my body doesn’t want to fall sleep. I know any minute now Liam will wake up for the first time tonight, right after I almost drift off into dreamland. Dreamland? Scratch that. I’ve been so sleep deprived I cannot even remember the last dream I’ve had besides last weekend when I made Liam go back to bed with me or when my husband takes Liam for a few hours while I try to sleep.
Sleep deprivation is the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my entire life. It is worse than dental work. It is worse than speaking in front of an audience(I am horrible at it). It is worse than breaking up with a high school boyfriend.
Being extremely tired all the time really takes a toll on your mood, motivation to do anything productive at home, and having patience with anyone around you. It is especially difficult when you work outside the house.
Having a 18 month old who does not sleep through the night has many challenges! It can be so overwhelming that I just want to lock myself in my room for a week! This may sound dramatic but from what I have read, sleep deprivation is no joke and is serious.
I feel like a horrible mother most days because of my lack of patience with a cranky toddler, messy house because I have zero motivation, and depression because the nights are long and the days are tiresome.
This just needs to be said because as I scour the internet for solutions to Liam’s horrible sleeping habits, I realize I am not the only one and that it will eventually pass.
Waiting for our time for sleep has been extremely difficult for me. I have many stages of how I deal with this. It circulates until I can’t take it anymore and then I go around the stages again.
Stage one is denial. This is when you cannot accept this is what it is and try to find all solutions you can.
Stage two is numb to it all. You just go with it like a zombie on coffee.
Stage three is guilt. You feel guilty for it being this way and for being the mom/person you are while being so sleep deprived.
Stage four acceptance. You accept this is the way it is and for a few weeks deal with it the best you can.
Sleep has never seem so amazing to me.