Breastfeeding is an amazing journey full of cuddles, giggles, baby hair sniffing, pain, exhaustion, sacrifice, and pride. As I start to lean towards the weaning process it makes me both happy and sad.
I want my body back yet I enjoy the closeness we share. I want my space back yet I love the look he gives me. I want my time again yet I love how I can always make him feel better. I want my sleep yet I love his hand grasping my shirt.
This experience has taught me many things. Many things that I need to either work on or things that are out of my control. Breastfeeding is something you must give into completely. It is something that is a complete sacrifice. And I believe it is worth every tear, every wake up, and every pound they gain.
Breastfeeding is the prime example of a love/hate relationship. You learn that it becomes your whole life. You learn people will have advice or opinions that they will share regardless of your standpoint. You learn you second guess yourself even though your gut is always right.
You learn your not the person you once were. You were selfish and you could do things on your own time. You are now a mother. You know must let go of just thinking of yourself. Breastfeeding is your life. But it does not consume it if you learn to embrace it as a part of you not all of you.
As I go into toddlerhood, I have many thoughts of when I want to end the breastfeeding relationship. Today you have so many options or advice on what you should or should not do. There are many factors that can come into play as to why someone wants to wean their child of breastfeeding. There is no set timeframe and honestly, there should be no pressure to stop. I am now okay with slowly weaning and once again going with the flow. That has seem to work well with most things this past year. When I start to stress out about it or try to push it, tension or stress happens with Liam and it does not goes as well. Patience is key to anything. Just like having patience with mealtime, I am having patience with the weaning process. The glorious virtue that I need to work on the most is testing me daily.
Breastfeeding a toddler makes you feel like a pro however can also make you feel like you are controlled by it. But as the days go by the nursing is less and less. And I am going to enjoy every moment because someday I will miss the bonding with just Liam and me. I am going to miss the one thing I can have with him. I will also enjoy having my space. It is bittersweet.
When did you stop nursing and why?